Not ready to make nice!!

Default Emotions:

     What's Yours????

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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller

**Terrible advice**

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I would like to say that I am that sweet, slow to anger Wife and Mother we see on the TV. Unfortunately for my family and those around me, "Leave it to Beaver" stopped airing a looooooooooooong time. I think I use to be that way.... Do you ever wonder, "Is this how I really behave? Respond to my children, and Husband? Is this even me anymore?" HAVE I ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY? Like, I have been this angry for so long that I can not even remember reacting with the emotion that particular situation deserves. For example, instead of being hurt and sad by something my husband may have said, unknowingly to hurt my feelings.. I lash out and hurt him back, I get genuinely angry. When what I should ideally say is something cheesy and along the lines of, "Hunny, I know you were probably kidding and trying to lighten the mood... but, that really bothered me." INSTEAD, I say clever (In my head) and sarcastic things like, "Well, if you weren't so F%$#@!% nice all the time, and let me just do things by myself, I wouldn't get annoyed." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?! who says stuff like this to someone who is so kind and caring to them. Me, I do. I hear it come out of my mouth..... I even know I am about to say it, yet, I still say it. Why??? Well, I have finally figured out why.... Because, I am ANGRY. Not at him, or my children.... those are just my safe places. We hurt the ones that we are safest with, who we feel won't leave or abandon us...... the ones who will always be there and love us not matter what. This is true of your children. They will always be there and love you. Your husband on the other hand, has the option to [for the lack of a better term] bail. Even though, we have joined our lives as one, under the Godly covenant that is our Marriage..... he is human, and can choose to leave... your children have no choice lol, they are stuck with you. A person can only be treated with no respect for so long, before they have had enough. My sweet husband always tells me that I am not mean to him, and I treat him great.... Poor guy has no idea how good it can actually be, when I am nice all the time and not quick to anger. The bible tells us, to be slow to anger.... A really good verse to use as a guide would be, "But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.Psalm 86:14-16 " The bible also tells us to be, "Christ Like" .... Weeeeeellllllllll, to me, that is telling me that Christ is SLOW TO ANGER with us, his children, ABOUNDING IN LOVE and FAITHFULNESS. Let's see:
ABOUNDING WITH LOVE: What does that mean to you? In my child like brain, I visualize God scooping me up, every chance he gets to hug me, tells me at every opportunity that he loves me and he is proud of me. Do you do that for your family and those around you?? I do not. Although that is my goal. Love isn't a feeling... it is an action. The heart can be deceitful. Actions are how I show and receive love in it's greatest form. And Christ dying on the cross, to me, seems to be the BIGGEST act of love that I have heard of.
FAITHFULNESS: hmmmmm, God... Faithful? YES! He is always faithful in his actions, and never leaving his promises for something, "Greener" Grass needs watering on both sides, my friends. As he is faithful, we need to be to our Children and our Husbands.... Not just in the Adultery part with our Husbands. What about the other promises we made during our Vows?? Keeping those means being faithful. To our Children, we are to always be faithful with being their comfort and THEIR safe place, not them being ours. We should never put that kind of heavy burden on them.
SLOW TO ANGER: errrrrrrrrrr....this one is the one that gets me EVERY TIME!!! I want to be angry, dang it! Thank Jesus right now that he doesn't get angry at us every time we make a boneheaded stupid choice.... Truth is, in my personal experience, I am angry at my past, and the people in the past who have done me wrong. Now, everyone else must suffer. As terrible as that sounds, it is truth. What if THEY are the people you're angry with?? Simple, Choose to forgive..... as christ has forgiven us.

Let me leave with this thought: How would your families DAY, WEEK even YEAR be... if you could stop when you felt that A$$*&$ # anger creep up, kick the Devil to the curb (cause we all know he feeds off of our sorrows, doubts and failures) and made the choice to have that normal reaction?? Be sad! Be happy! Be frustrated even! Frustration is okay, and healthy to an extent. Talk to your spouse about it... they are there to be by your side and face life's problems. But, not angry and hurt those around you. I am going to start this, today.... you gotta start somewhere, right?!?! I will fail, I will succeed and I will have days where I just want to crawl under a rock because I am ashamed at how I speak to people. My husband once told me, "I love you, but you will not speak to me like that. I am your husband and I deserve to be respected" He did and still does. He may not know it, but that hit me hard. He doesn't know it, because I didn't respond with , "you're right, I am sorry" it was more like, "ARG! You suck, BLAH BLAH BLAH, *profanity*, I will talk however I want to" When I feel like being a GIANT pain in the butt, and retaliate, and be all, "Poor pitiful me" I will Pray. as simple as that. The goal is to be Christ like, right?!

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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
Mark Twain