Poor Pitiful me.... Anxiety and other Crosses we Bear....

I am going to say that I am a lot more honest with people and MYSELF if I write it down. I like that. It is not good losing yourself along the way of adulthood. I had a very interesting talk with someone yesterday about, Anxiety and Depression. I have had this talk with this same person numerous times. She and I were discussing how. "annoying" it is to hear people say, "Well, why don't you just make it stop... don't get anxious! Get up out of bed and don't be depressed" Well, a good, sarcastic and non Christian like response to that would be, "OH MY GOSH, Why didn't I think of that??? No $*&",  a$$+*&@, if only it were that easy. I finally came clean and was honest and said, (to a person I ADORE and LOVE) I really agree on that, Why can't you just make it stop?".....Not to level of, Just stop being depressed, stop being anxious... More like, "Why can't you pray yourself outta it, or force yourself to get up and do something that makes you happy??" I do not understand anxiety, or depression... I want to, I pray I never face this... I see what it does to people..... I get anxious, but more like.... I let life's troubles build up, and up and up! Till' BAM, I explode and have what would seem like a panic attack, but more like a "FREAK OUT" I pray about it and I am fine, crying stops, heart rate goes back normal and I no longer feel like I am going to die.... two maybe ... MAYBE three times a year. Depression just doesn't happen to me. I have NEVER just not been able to get out of bed, refuse a shower... NADA. Aint nobody Gonna take my pride, aint nobody gonna hold me down.. oh no... gotta keep on moving. (Just kidding that was cheesy) Don't get me wrong, I get upset, and sad inside... but, as I previously talked about in my other blog, my default emotion is ANGER. (>.<) I am also very introverted. So, I genuinely in my, sometimes, not always, close minded thoughts think, "Well, just don't be sad, anxious or depressed, force another emotion to take it's place." That is TERRIBLE advise. Terrible. Don't do that, lol. I am now trying to reverse YEARS of, what a friend use to call, an "Incredible Defense Mechanism" He would tell me, "Alicia, you created this incredible defense mechanism, that you had to have to survive the life you grew up in and the situations you were put in... but, now it is like you do not know how to turn it off." He is correct. I sometimes wish I had that depression... just to feel something. Anything. It is confusing, because I do feel ALL the emotions you're suppose to.... I just do not show them, and I push them away. Now, back to the anxiety. Like the person I spoke to yesterday said, "You can be driving, reading a book taking a shower... anything and it just happens... and once it does there is not stopping it" We talked about how back in her day, they didn't even know what it was... people just would go to the ER and think they were dying. How the medical professionals (I SAY LOOSELY.. because I FIRMLY believe if it weren't for Doctors who over prescribe meds.... A lot less self inflicting deaths from mixture of pills would occur.... Doctors just want you out of their office now a days.... Not to actually help... Write another prescription... That'll fix everything... ) have almost targeted to a genetic gene, possibly. But, maybe people with Anxiety get this because they feel, "too much" maybe it is a gene...... This wonderful lady and I have spoke many times about it just being her "Cross to Bare" which is actually the main topic of my brain today.... I just literally type exactly what my brain is thinking, and in the order it thinks :) .....Anxiety, Wheelchair bound, Bi-polar, ANGER, childhood abuse...... and many many more....... How is this fair?? We think that over and over....Why?? Why do I have to spend everyday feeling anxious, sad, in a wheelchair and so on... Honestly, if we are being perfectly honest... That is not up to us to understand or even Question. Every single last one of us have that Nasty Nasty Cross to Bear.... I can say, I would bet 1,000,000,000.00 no one is like, "Oh, I love being in a wheelchair... that car accident was the best thing that has ever happened to me!!!" Maybe a change in heart, and attitude after such an event would be the best thing... but not the Cross you carry for life; the end result. Christ carried the BIGGEST and quite LITERAL cross for us. Death. I am relatively new to the GENUINE Christianity..... I have forever been a backdoor Christian. So, I am learning as I go.... But, I think that is a big cross to carry. He never once complained about it, from what I have read and studied. I really think that  he gets sad when we complain. Like his sacrifice wasn't good enough, we aren't appreciative of his gift..... He asks us to simply have Faith...... that of a teeny tiny Mustard Seed. That is it. Seems pretty simple... not that simple I suppose.. I think many, like my lovely "person" I was talking about earlier with the anxiety, what to figure it out... so it can be fixed.... What if we can't fix it? What if, "it is what it is" and this is the cross Jesus meant for us to have? What if, maybe, just maybe we are suppose to ACCEPT it and have FAITH that this is what he has planned for us? And he has a MUCH bigger purpose for us, using these things that we feel and see as, Trials in our lives.... I use the Anxiety example because I know FAR TOO MANY loved ones who struggle with this daily... and maybe it isn't controllable, like most Tribulations we are faced with... but, this seems to be the hardest to accept and to have faith in God's plan.... I HATE seeing my friends and family struggle daily with this and other Cross they bear.... but, I really have come to believe that this is how it goes... It is HIS plan, HIS timing and HIS purpose. Trust me, I do not follow this... I can only give my opinion on how I feel it is, or should be..... Maybe one day I will understand my Cross.

Just a thought: That saying, "God won't put anything on us we can't handle" I call BS.... it is not biblical... It is a saying.... merely someones thought, taken out on content.... on a verse in 1 Corinthians... based on TEMPTATION. I am not saying it is not true TO AN EXTENT.... I think it is taken too literally. This is not the world God had intended. We as people for many years have been screwing it up......He gave us free will to make our choices, and as we all as adults know now, HOPEFULLY: our decisions effect other people. Some people are selfish and do not care about their choices, as long as it makes them happy.....  I think that God puts us in certain situations to teach us to LEAN on HIM to fail even.... not to set us up for failure... but, to rely on him... pray in times of trouble... Mother Teresa did have a good twist to this quote. " I know God won't put anything on my that I can not handle, I just sure wish he didn't trust me so much" Truth is we do not know why we face the Trials and Tribulations that we do...... We just have to accept them and know that he has a reason and a purpose.